DEPRESSED? GET OVER IT!
Man, I wish it were that easy. I’ve had depression in my life for almost as long as I can remember. Both of my parents have some form of depression (normal constant depression & bi-polar). I’ve had depression since junior high school (most of which I was suicidal) and had pretty debilitating postpartum after the twins. I’ve been surrounded by depression, suicide and mental illness for so long that one night I made up a whole stand up routine about it. (I actually think it’s pretty good! But since most “normal” minds don’t make jokes around depression/suicide I thought it best to keep it under wraps)
There’s a great talk about how men compartmentalize things - hold on - let me find it for you. Here you go: Men's and Women's Brains So funny! Well, I like to keep things in their own boxes too but I have found depression is more like watercolors - there’s little rhyme or reason and everyone’s is its own unique blend of miss-matched colors and design. It’s also why it’s difficult to find the right med, since there isn’t a one hit wonder. But here are a few things I have found to be useful:
I DON’T BELIEVE EVERYTHING I THINK. I’ve tried to be an observer of my depression, and that of my clients, and what I have found is our “monkey brain” / “pink kink in your think’” (remember the Pixar short: Bound, Bound & Rebound) takes over as we spiral down and begins to beat us up. These negative thoughts spiral us faster into the hole of depression. So . . .
Take notes of your inner thoughts - speak them into your phone, jot them down, keep a note file. And then later, when it’s quiet and the kids are in bed, read them but as if you were telling your beloved XXXX (mom, aunt, child, dog). For example, “You’re such a mess!” “What a disaster you are” “Ugh, you so fat & gross” - whatever yours are. If you wouldn’t tell your beloved XXXX these things then you probably don’t actually believe them about yourself either (even if you think you do). These are messages you’ve been given by unkind adults of your past and you’ve taken them on, as if they were your own. But your current adult self probably doesn’t really think these things about you - you just think you do. So here’s what I was taught to do with these thoughts and it really does help. First, you have to get good at recognizing them. So pay attention to your thoughts. But then, here’s an example of a random Tuesday morning: I’ll get up and think to myself, “Ugh, so gross! You’re such a mess” I then respond OUT LOUD - “Thank you monkey brain for sharing - you may now go play in the street” or “Well that’s one way to look at things but I think I’m doing amazing today and plan to have a fabulous Tuesday!” Defend yourself OUT LOUD like you would defend your beloved XXXX! PLEASE do NOT accept that everything that goes through your mind is true or even what YOU actually believe!
One more necessary video to watch from Truth Bomb Mom: Things We Tell Ourselves
I FIND IT HARD TO TRUST ANYONE. I have found that when I’m spiraling I find it harder and harder to trust my own thoughts, let alone anyone else’s advice or help. I get more suspicious, as if they have an agenda. So, of course, I find it hard to reach out for help because I don’t know whom I can trust and I certainly can’t trust myself. SO . . .
When you are feeling pretty ok - before you spiral - think of two trusted friends/healthcare providers/counselors and ask them if they will be your lifelines when you start to spiral. Discuss a plan you can be on board with - for example, going back on meds for a month or taking your supplemental protocol for one month or even two weeks - whatever you’re going to be on board with. Maybe reading a specific book you’ve found useful, maybe going back to counseling for two sessions. For me, I feel like putting a time limit helps me be willing to be compliant - I don’t like feeling “locked in” to something or feeling obligated to do something long term. So come up with what might help, who you can trust, write it down and then share it with your two trusted people. Then, when you start to spiral you’ll feel more confident reaching out.
I AM NOT MY DEPRESSION. I had an epiphany years ago when I was so very sick (after twins were born I was in bed at least 7-8 months every year for the first three years) and one day while watching “Horton Hears a Who” - (Yes, I watch a LOT of animated movies!) I had this epiphany that I wasn’t the floating speck of dust - I was living ON the speck of dust. The speck was my illness & took me all over the place - I had no control of where it would take me. But I could create my own life on this speck and find joy and peace - despite of where it took me. I also found my own “Horton” or things that could help stabilize and minimize the ride. It really changed my perspective and helped lead to my recovery.
So the same goes for my depression. I AM NOT DEPRESSED - my brain is chemically imbalanced and I will feel better once we get everything back into balance. Thankfully, I have spent years finding what helps that happen and now I can get myself out of spiral pretty rapidly. I also have helped numerous clients figure out what helps them too. Sometimes pharmacogenetic testing is the right solution to find out the right psych med at the correct dosage so they know from the start what is going to help.
But the key is - recognize when the speck of dust begins to move and do your best to put your stabilizers on! Do not procrastinate - once things begin to move it’s more and more difficult to think clearly and make the necessary changes - we get into survival mode and stop taking steps to come into balance - we just are trying to survive.
I hope some of these help. I certainly am here for you and am ready to lift you up anytime I can!