12 THINGS I LEARNED WHEN LOSING 100 LBS.
If only I weighed XXX I’d be happy. I’d feel better about myself, I’d feel better in my clothes, I’d feel better in my marriage … what else? What else do we believe will happen when we finally get to a goal weight? Well, it’s been nearly 10 years since I lost 100 lbs (not even close to my goal weight) and found the pot at the midway point of the rainbow was not all my imagination had conjured up.
Now that I’m on that path again, I made a list of what I learned/feared/experienced that first time so I can be better prepared this time around. (Keep in mind, these only apply to me and my journey and won’t necessarily be anyone else’s experience)
1) Be ready to fight about where we’re going to eat … or disagree or explain my needs ALL THE TIME and be ready to eat separately from my family or by myself in order to eat what’s “on plan”
I love going out to eat with friends and family. LOVE IT! But when the family wants to run through Jimmy John's but I need a carbless meal, it becomes complicated. People complain. And then it’s suggested they “drop me off” to eat my salad while they go eat Subway. I want to be part of the family AND lose weight! Why is this hard to understand?
2) Be ready for others to want “in” on your process and be ready for others to compare their experience to yours - even thin people (UGH!)
I wasn’t prepared for my thin, non-food-addicted, loves to exercise friends/family wanting to somehow join me in the process (“I’m going to do it with you and lose these 15 lbs”). And then when they compare their experience with mine, I felt like screaming, “This isn’t the same at alllllll!!” If they can lose weight just by not drinking diet coke or lose weight while drinking alcohol or lose weight because they just LOVE spin class or jogging and they’re not dealing with food addiction or an autoimmune illness, then it’s not the same at all. I had to deal with all that pent up resentment and find a way to be happy for them while removing myself from their process.
3) Be ready to have to talk about losing weight with EVERYONE
I feel so exposed when every time I see someone they mention my weight. And, what I find more frustrating is that I would probably be hurt if no one mentioned that I had lost 100 lbs but when EVERYONE mentions it, it feels overwhelming. Saying I look great is one thing but actually asking me about my weight (although it’s totally normal to do) is a trigger and makes me want to retreat.
4) Be ready for others to “sabotage” your success - even when they’re trying to be supportive
I hate when friends try to support me by offering me alcohol or food they argue is “low carb”. But when I say, “that’s not on my program” they go on and on why I’m actually “able” to drink or eat it. I don’t want someone to define what my program is. I don’t want someone to argue with me what’s okay for me to eat or drink when I don’t want to eat or drink it.
5) Be ready to feel extremely depressed the first time you go on vacation (or do an activity that previously focused on food)
I was totally unprepared for that first get away to my favorite beach. It felt so depressing to go on vacation and feel so deprived. I cried the whole weekend. Feeling all the feelings while not being able to eat “comfort food” and all my “favorites” for the past 20 years, felt horrible.
6) Be ready to hold boundaries with family who want to “reward” your progress - see #2
I have found that I don't want others involved in this process if I don’t invite them to be. But when some see me losing weight they naturally want to become involved and/or have me join them so we can “do it together”. Or some might want to get involved by offering rewards (when you lose 50 lbs I’ll take you shopping). But I don’t want others involved if I don’t invite them. It becomes difficult because as I say “no thank you”, feelings get hurt or I seem ungrateful. So I definitely fear the eventual conflict or eventual boundary that I will have to hold.
7) Be ready to get rid of clothes that might have a lot of meaning or to have NO clothes in your closet - because why shop when you’re not at your goal weight? And be ready to buy a new wardrobe several times!
I even fear cleaning out my closet for the XXth number of times and having to make the decision to get rid of clothes -- some of which are sentimental or expensive. Then I fear not having any “fall back” clothes, in case I gain weight again. And now, I have to buy a whole new wardrobe since I got rid of my clothes. But I’m not at my goal weight so I have barely any clothes. It’s frustrating to buy clothes when I’m hoping to only have to use them for a few months.
8) Be ready to fear new experiences and have to work hard to keep negative self-talk from creeping in
I am not someone who normally has a lot of self-doubt. I don’t have a lot of negative talk going on in my head. So I was surprised how loud that voice got when I started losing weight and began doing new things. I felt fearful trying new things and putting myself out there and felt vulnerable and intimidated by the new experiences. The first 5K event I did with Kurt (where we jog/walk a little over 3 miles) I was almost in tears and felt like a loser because I had to walk the whole time and it felt everyone was jogging past me. I felt I would be the last to cross the finish line. Whereas the reality was, people were still getting started as we crossed the finish line. I just had this horrible negative recorder playing in my head the whole time! Even going down a water slide (which I wouldn’t have done being heavier) this intense self-doubt and negative voice started SCREAMING at me and comparing me to other people. It’s exhausting to overcome that voice.
9) Be ready to be made into an “inspiration” from friends and clients which creates a ton more pressure on yourself
It's funny, when you do all these new things and lose all that weight, you become this huge inspiration to people. Meanwhile, you yourself are living totally outside your comfort zone feeling all this self-doubt and anxiety or lack of control or whatever the word is, while people on the outside are saying how great you are and inspirational you are and it's such a strange paradox to live through. I mean, I like being an inspiration and I like showing people that they can do what they doubt they can accomplish. I like people to see me, somebody outside the “normal” appearance of what health can look like, accomplishing something audacious, but at the same time it's just another weight I carry while going through this process - whether I want to carry it or not. And then there are the people who want accountability partners and want help or want to know how you did it. And my heart goes out to them! So I found myself in this strange place of wanting to help, but then coaching all these people for free.
10) Be ready to do something hard and have someone push you instead of appreciating how hard it was
I went for a walk last week and my husband said at the end of the walk, “So, is this going to be a regular occurrence now?” And I'm like “No, doubt it,” and he said, “Well it could be.” And it's just that PUSH! I don't want to be pushed. STOP pushing me! If I do something good, why can't we just be happy that I did it? If I do it, I want to do it because I want to do it, not because you pushed me to do it. Not because you wanted to be my accountability partner that I never asked for.
11) Be ready to dislike your new body and maybe even your new face
The strangest thing I NEVER expected when losing weight is how much I disliked my new body. My loose skin hung and my belly flopped. And when my face got thinner, I felt like my nose GREW SO MUCH! I didn’t like my new look AT ALL. And of all the things, I think that felt the most disappointing.
12) Be ready to lose friends
I hadn’t even thought of how much so many of my friendships were based on bad habits. It’s like drinking buddies but for me it was donut buddies. When I stopped eating that way, some friendships didn’t have anything else to hold onto and that was a hard one. I missed being with friends but I understood why I clearly didn’t fit in anymore. (HAHAHA - fit in)
Here’s the thing - despite those 12 surprising, uncomfortable and “new to me” feelings/emotions, the overall experience was SO worth it. I learned so much in that year and grew so much in the following years I kept the weight off. I had to restructure and create new boundaries, which helped me live the life I wanted and was so much more happy living. The initial discomfort of friends and family made way for stronger relationships and happier memories. I am so thankful for my experience and I am ready to continue the journey and grow (by shrinking) even more!